To clarify, I'm using this phrase to mean something different than Hamlet and this post is actually about sleep and NOT about death, thankfully!Before I became a mom, when I would hear those who were parents discuss the sleep schedules of their offspring, I felt deeply puzzled. It simply did not make sense to me to impose what sounded like a rigid sleep schedule. I have even heard parents who do subscribe to sleep schedules described as "sleep Nazis" for appearing to prioritize the child's sleep schedule above all and dropping other amusements from their schedule.
Now that I am a chronically sleep-deprived mom, I have much more sympathy for these parents. I have purchased (or been given) not one, not two, but THREE books on the subject of children's sleep. I hope in future posts to summarize these books as well as my reactions to them. It should be interesting since they run the range from strong advocates of attachment parenting & co-sleeping to the full "cry-it-out" method.
As for our current sleep problem (if it is correct to define it as a problem), the little girl is very fussy in the evenings. We try to put her down, only to have her wake up crying 5 to 15 minutes later. For example, tonight Maria started seriously fussing around 7pm. I put her down twice, only to have her start to wail both times after the customary delay. Mark tried, failed and then passed her on to me for some nursing. She ate, but wouldn't sleep so I passed her back. After more fussing behavior and some sucking of Mark's bicep, he passed her back for a final nursing session at which she finally fell asleep and thankfully STAYED asleep! This whole process lasted until 8:45pm.
What are my current thoughts on sleep? It's confusing! Some say the problem is that babies learn the bad habit of only being able to fall asleep when sucking. Others say the problem is lack of sleep leading to the release of stress hormones. One friend said her babies slept through the night at 6 weeks, while another said hers didn't do that until 10 months olds. Some say mobiles and stimulating items in the crib are bad. Some advocate white noise, others counsel making lots of noise while the baby sleeps. What are the real problems? Are there any universal solutions?
I can see the appeal of a schedule because it allows one to plan the day. Bu
t at what age is it developmentally appropriate to expect a schedule? I want to be the parent and not let my daughter rule, but I don't want my own (usually selfish!) desire for control to rule either. I want to do what is appropriate and best for my daughter and I realize what is best will change as she matures. That said, I recoil from the idea of making a god out of a child's sleep schedule. There are some things that are more important than a sleep schedule, such as attending church regularly together with my husband and going to our weekly bible study. I also think that going out to socialize with friends is a legitimate need (in moderation!) and I refuse to give that up simply because we have a child.
2 comments:
It will be quite interesting to see how you find your balance with this! I'm looking forward to reading about it...
I recommend Tracy Hogg's techniques. That said, I agree the whole topic is confusing because there are so many variables at work, it's tricky to discern which of 50 things you did or didn't do made the baby sleep. And then another part of it is reading the baby's signs.
I think Tracy's reasoning is that given the knowledge about how much a baby of a certain age should be expected to eat, sleep, and be active, you put them on a routine (not a "schedule", which implies strict clock-watching) that follows the expected pattern, and then make adjustments as needed.
She puts herself in between the cry it out and co-sleeping camps. She is very much against leaving a crying baby alone, as it breaks trust. (The "mantra" cry, like "ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh", a self-soothing thing the baby does is different.) But she's also against any technique where the baby needs you to fall asleep, claiming that babies come full capable of falling asleep on their own.
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